trevcan@internets /dev/human $

Love and happiness

Posted on: 08/14/22 23:11:43
Last edited: 09/22/22 18:56:31

See also: Song Love and happiness [0] by Al green

Love and happiness are weird concepts.

whatis love ? and why does our society take such pride and emotion into having it ? I mean, not just society, but my family and me as a whole, right ? Why don’t I get the love I deserve ? Maybe I do, but I just don’t see it.

I’ve tried having love, sharing intimacy with others. But I guess I’m just not good enough, or just not good enough for them. Or i haven’t found the right person at all.

But the point of this blog post is to say that maybe, mayybeee I have the one. Maybe I do. I’ve crossed eyes with her. A lot.. maybe way too much. She’s crossed eyes with me. We’ve crossed eyes. Who started it ? Did I ? Hmmm, maybe maybe not ? You see, on a purely survivalist standard being with that person would most likely yield me success, even if I don’t lvoe her, because it’s come to my knowledge that she is, in fact, the daughter of people who work in the softwaredev/cybersec sector. So does that mean potential success ! Well, of course it does. But also, I’d like to get to know her better.

Because why not, right? Honestly, she seems attractive from afar. Afar, say 6, 8, maybe 10 feet. In the same room, with the voice. With the authority of her voice.

I wonder if she’s read my blog. I don’t know if she has. I didn’t advertise when presenting myself. But maybe she found it through instagram, since my profile is public and there’s a link to my blog and stuff. But she could have also found out thru other means, such as other people, friends, or even the school platform we use. I edited my profile and people can click on my profile and they can see a link for my blog. Maybe she did click on it and was interested in what I wrote. If so, please tell me.

Anyways, what is the point ? These past two days have been rather unorthodox. I think I’ve been preparing my mind for deep, extremeley overwhelming tragedy.

you see, I don’t think that it’s nice, ya know ? to live with a human whose mind is fucking goingn nuts. Knowing that the voice you once heard is lost. The fights you maybe had, the shit you shared, the shit you didn’t. All those feeling, and those actions are kinda lost. But still there and omsetimes, every once in a while come back from that brain and expose themselves. And you feel this ecstacy crawling through your neck and making your muscles contract and be an do so many things but then you..

snap back to reality oh there goes gravity. And you realize the person you’re living with has dementia and just knows that you’re married. At least that’s the perspective I get with the alzheimer’s and dementia my grandma’s having. And of course, there’s my dad. Who is also trying to cope with this new fucked-up reality by making his family try to help her. Which I do not think is bad, but after all, we are indeed making her ( my grandma) a puppet, wouldn’t ya agree ?!

i’m tired. I barely slept anything today. I couldn’t sleep.

And I have kinda a shit-ton of homework and I kinda need to get it done in like less than 50 minutes.

Bye, let’s push this to git.


Tags: bored why write