trevcan@internets /dev/human $

On Top of the World, You Are Not - Nor Am I.

Posted on: 04/20/22 18:32:57
Last edited: 04/20/22 19:19:20

Yes. And there was light, after darkness. And there was darkness after the light; yet no one in the whisper town seemed to know for sure when they were.

Today… was a weird day!?

Yes, believe me mate. Morning, as usual.
I woke up late, I was not due early; my sister had to be on campus until eleven in the morning. So I was going with my mum. *sigh*.

Yep. But I hadn’t showered the day before, nor the day before that. So it was time, I had to do something, make something in order to make myself not feel so bad for not showering enough.

So you know what I did ? No ? Yes ? Well, I showered. And I sure fucking did. Boiling hot water. Soap. Shampoo. Cold. Morning. Not-that-late. Water. Sink. I showered.

I started rinsing my whole body with this prestigious liquid that supposedly keeps me - and humans - alive. Water. Did I like it ? Kinda, I was thirsty. My throat was soar.

My throat is still soar as of writing this.

Then I applied my face skin care soap. A bar of soap. Create a puddle of soapy oatmealed liquid in your hands. A cave. A round cave. You make foam. You make light. Yet you smash that light on yer face. My face.

You scrub hard enough for some oily stuff to kinda come off your face. You wash. You wash. You scrub with water going all over your face. Kinda hot, innit ? Yes, hot. rinse, rinse; rinse rinse!!!

Now Shampoo. Just soak all your hairs in water. (HAAAAIIIIR!!)

nooooooo ://. you will learn why in not so long.

Then apply the liquid shampoo.

Me, as I’m writing this:

It is starting to get cold. It is April the 20th.
I was hoping for more sun.
It’s kinda coming out. The Sun.
And there was light.

Okay, so shampoo. Boring. Boring little details. No. My hair was numb, it wasn’t numb it was just weird. Greasy, greasy. Barely combed. My hair was tangled in itself. The hot water helps much more than cold water. It helps to untangle the hair. Make it more uniform, real. Maybe even crisp. Shampoo. A fancy load on the palm of my hand. Shampoo. Hard to follow? I’m writing this from my keyboard, words are more difficult to describe than before. Am I imagining things ? Remembering ? Is my writing bad ?

Who knows man! Let’s hope I know !

Anyways, I shower. Ins and outs. Well here, well there. Not so much blue soap. Because I’m too lazy to go get a new one maybe 30 feet away.

Okayyyy, so showwweeeeer.

Why did I shower ? Well, I ws supposed to shower yesterday. Yet I did not. Yesterday I went with my friends to a bowling place. Bowl. As in those weird cones that they make with some cutting rotary tool; they cut wood, well, into bowls. Not the kind of bowls you eat popcorn in. The kind of bowls you make fall with a big, gian, ball made of God-knows-what. but no, I am not religious, as of yet. But I think I should be Yes, TDA, Gaby.

I am ashamed of it. Yes. I have met another human being with TDA. Ecstatic to meet another human being with the same thing. Ecsatic I was not, but the person whom I met. But she told me that she did not have her meds. There was (is) a big medication shortage for psychiatry. Yes, the kind that cures depression and the kind that helps with TDA, trastorno de deficit de atencion. Or Attention deficit disorder. ADD. weird. name. but ok. So I was ashamed because I did not want to take my meds, but I kinda was taking them. But they were not working. I think they are not working now. But you know what? There is a certain limit to what taking a 3-gram pill everday in your system can change in your bodi and bodily fluids. Brain is weird. I have conscience. I am aware of my medications. My dose has increased. It is weird, yet I am kinda still not in the zone. I go and go and merry-go -fucking-round. Feelings are weird. I am not yet disciplined enough to get to French!

Oh, french! Fuck french! No, you love French. Hecto, you love french. you are asleep yet awake writing whatever the fuck comes to mind. You are kinda lucid. You are not lucid. You are alive. same as lucid, you asshole! Lucid is almost the same as alive. But I mean lucid. As in lucid dream. So by lucid you meant lucid dream ? Yeah, man.

You are not in a lucid dream. I think. YOu are not. I f we are, it’s been a little fucking long time to wake up.

What loneliness ? Loneliness, son !? Nah, just your thoughts. Perception.

Frencxh!!! We were in French. I did not arrive early to French. I got finished showering at around seven twenty in the a.m.; I went to the kitchen. I ate. Ate, eaty-eaty y'all. Wait, I’m lying to you. I did not finish showering at seven twenty in the a.m.. I think I was by the kitchen at around seven thirty-three in the a.m. SO no, I was not early. Yes, I was already late to the kitchen, I think. Thoughts are weird (see no thoughts, head empty music playlist).

Anyways, so much information. Going through my head, right now. Conditions apply. Strings definitely attached. Comes with prethreaded brain. And a ton-shit of thread to re-string or just add new strings, new ideas. New recursion and inception of thoughts. You can go as far as you want, as long as you don’t fucking over-boil your head, or overheat it. Don’t overheat my head, mate!

Okay, so I ate egg. Egg. With red tomato. jitomates in Spanish. The ji is for red. you can probably guess what tomates stands for. So I did not like the egg. My Mother was there. It was cold. The egg was cold. Not warm, at all. We were late. Father came. Do not remember what parents talked about after that. Finished eating boring egg; cold boring egg. But I did drink water. Then drank medicine. Well, more like popped my meds like candy! (yes, m.d. house reference).

Okay, so I went away… nOOOOOOOO Fuck fuc k fuck. I just remembered waht my mother and father talked to me about whilst in the kitchen. Weirrrd. I will not tell you. Because I do not want to overheat my brain and go into so many levels of remberance or inception, as I seemed to have baptized this phenomena. Phenomenon. Phenomena ( with an accent, tilde, kinda) aaaaaaaaaaaaa;; dont' start again man!

Okay, anyways. I went away to wash my teeth. Teeth in mouth. Where the fuck else ? Don’t be sad. I washed my teeth. I got my phone, my charger, my knife, my car keys, my suit. I went downstairs. Downstairs, that was the word!

And I started to gather all my shit. I put the charger in the bag. I put the phone in the suit. I put the wallet in the suit. I suited up. Nice pun!

I went for lunch. I gathered everything. I put things in the car. I went away with my mom. Time was probably around 7:43 in the a.m.. in the a.m. nice words. We were late. My Mom kept telling me that I should not be this late! I’m an asshole!!! Yet I was there, arguing with my mom, playing the devil’s advocate sometimes and other times just bashing out my own thoughts, mate!

Okay. So I got maybe like at seven o six in the a.m. To school. I need to pass a stupid covid-filter. I did not. I ran. They only take temperature and ask for your student identification. I opened my wallet, where the identification was visible. All this while I was running. They understood. They empathized. THey thankfully did not stop me. Thank you madam, and sir.

Then I ran to the french classroom. Same as almost any other classroom. Except that classroom’s name is la progracueva. But that ain’t important. What’s important is that I was late. I thought the teacher was not going to let me through. Yet I sat down. She was mad. I was the only one late. Fuck. Why is it that every time I arrive actually early to my french classroom my teacher starts taking attendance late ??? Whyyy ??

Today she took attendance early…. SO yeah, fuck. But I did the assignments. I finished the teamwork, I was the admin. For once. Not for once you sucker, like many other times like 95% of the times in the french classroom. Where my class mates say literally shit and don’t know how to speak a dime of french and I have to fuck up my french on purpose so that they don’t look bad and don’t get a grade that bad.

Anyways. I went to calculus class. The medicine worked. Gaby and Fer went away. They said they had finished the work. I don’t know if they did. No care. But problem is that I wanted to go with them, but something stopped me. The fact that there was still a handful of people inside the classroom. The fact that maybe I missed having Gaby around and talking to her yet if I had gone outside the classroom I would have been with her but what the actual fuck am I saying !? Not in a like-miss way, just in a friend enjoying deeply intellectual - not actually intellectual but there’s definitely a better word for it - conversations.

But my friend Jenny and Alex would not get up. They were committed to finishing schoolwork. They were not finishing it. No distractions. No nothing, they were both finishing their assignments individually. Alex was, helping - every once in a while - Jenny with confirming mathematical procedures. For integration by parts Pretty weird topic if you ask me. It’s recursive. Meaning you may need to execute the integration by parts in some steps that you’ve gathered from executing the integration by parts. Running the same function for given values until you get more useful values that you can use in order to get even more useful values and maybe even an integral that actually works!

So yeah. These two friends. good friends. best friends I’d say, I also have other best friends, you know ? okay, fine. SO these best friends inspired me by not saying anything but by doing and helping each other out. They did not budge. they did not give away their stance. They stood their ground. They finished their calculus procedure. About halfway of their procedures I started mine. With the first one. Morel ike I started doing it once Jenny had finished all of them. Five integration by parts problems. I started from scratch. Zero. nada. nothing. I executed first order in list. I opened my notebook, wrote it down with a blue pen. No, not with a blue pen but everything in pencil. Not in a pencil per se but in a mechanical pencil. So yeah. Life do be like that. I got the first one kind of wrong. I was calculating an integral when I had to do a derivative. Weird cows and shit. You’ll get it when you get it.

So yeah, Alex Gomez told me about that. then I flied. and i flied and i flied and I got everything right and was checking it with Jenny’s procedure. Good, I guess. Then I got stuck in the 5th question and Alex helped me a tad bit out. Or did he ? I think he did. So, anyways, these two were awaiting for my finish. I took a document scan on my phone, exported it to a portable document format file format. Then uploaded it to the platform where we were supposed to upload the calculus assignment. And I did, I thanked Jenny. I thanked Alex. We went away. then i don’t know what I did. Wait, I don know. I had lunch.

I was kinda mad. I felt bad for the teacher. Actually, before Gaby - my friend - left the calculus class, she helped me out and gave me recommendations on how to be better-disciplined. She helped. I did not practice but she gave me good brain-tricking theory. Thanks, Gaby. Anyways, Delphine, french teacher. woman. with a tiny kid. I had to do something, I though of going to talk to her office.

But I never actually did ? Why ? no idea…

Okay, so now was time to get my lunch. I confused cars and eventually found it. It was open, of course. Because my mom knew I hadn’t grabbed my lunch. Thanks, Mom. So I, of course, grabbed the lunch. My lunch. Partly prepared by my mom. Oh, fuck! My mom brought food from the house for me. Yet I bought food at the cafeteria. What an asshole I am.

Fuckfuckfuckfuc. okay, so back to food. Went for food, went for bottle of water. went for bottle of tequila. No, unfortunately not, I donot drink - yet. So I went to the benches where my friends were at. But I had peeing desires. I wanted to pee. Actually, I want to pee right now, mate. should i stay or should i go ? best thing i got out of stranger things. the glorious name and feel and existence of this song!.

Okay, so I actually did go to pee. See the commit history for this file.

So, as I was saying, I went for lunch. Then I went to pee. Then I ate, was on my phone. accompanied my friends Pau and Fer for some chocoflan but there wasn’t any ! :( . I was definitely expecting chocoflan. But it unfortunately did not happen. I wanted chocoflan. But then encountered Ernesto Caso, a former tecbotian. Well, he still is a tecbotian.

anyways, I waited for my friend Fer who was, in turn, expecting her food from a cafeteria place. She had ordered a croissant. After some minutes Fer did get the croissant and went to the eating benches. Or just benches, mate. And we ate. ate, and ate. Eventually I talked to Pau.

about her boyfriend, weird. Her boyfriend seems nice. I won’t reveal too much personal information but he is from Switzerland. So yeah. She has only seen him once.

Then it was eleven o'clock. and duty was to go and see Juan Pablo, J.P. A very dedicated person. highly disciplined to do anything he wants. I believe in him. But times change. And so did this one. We were expecting him at an auditorium with another group of people to see him defend his portfolio with all the accomplishments during his stay at high school. But we got the times wrong. Maybe I did not hear correctly.

So we went to anothe auditorium, but no one was there. We then went to a third one. No one was in any of the auditoriums. I wrote JP. He did not answer. He eventually did, saying that the time at which he would present would be thirteen-hundred hours. one in the p.m.

So then we had time to kill. But I went to the bathroom. Again. This time to poop. But I took a long time. Almost every time I get to any bathroom I complain in my head and pretend as if I were writing a blog post - like this one - in which I complain about the automatic sensors that don’t work sometimes. You go to poop. When you get up, toilet flushes. That is the objective. In practice, if I move a tad bit - while pooping - it will flush. sometimes. But that day I also complained about the lighting. For this specific toilet. It’s good and all to absorb natural light. But there was and barely is any light available for this toilet. Literally ALL the lighting for the pee-only bathroom and the handicapped toilet are perfectly lit, even with artificial lighting!. But this one toilet is enclosed in a small space and does not have any light over it.

So yeah. I took a long time in the bathroom. Questioning things. Pooping. I don’t remember much from today’s toilet-go.

Then I returned to the eating benches. No one was there. A few minutes came by, Fer arrived. She told me everyone was at the workshop. good, I said. I told her that maybe I’d accompany them. She said ok, then left. Then I left. I was missing water. I wanted water. I wanted sun. I wanted music. My throat was - still - sore.

So I went to Arqui. Plenty of sun. A lake, grass. some benches. some chairs, some rocking chairs. some inclinated chairs. some fancy inclinated chairs. So I went. And enjoyed the sun. And enjoyed the music I was listening too.

I went to fetch water. I went to the restroom. Then my phone started getting hot because the sun was so awesome and I like the sun and it was near overheating and unusable because iOS stops the software if it’s near the sun death.

So I went back. At this point, it was certainly past eleven in the a.m. and it was near noon, a.k.a. twelve in the p.m. Close to my physics class. In terms of time, at least.

So I went to the tecbot workshop, my friends were there. We went to physics class. There, I talked to my friends, discussed on the architecture of our bridge and then went away with The Mickey and the powerful Gaby. I got some glue, stole some pasta from my friends. then we parted away to CITEC. a place where there are computer and fancy big laser color printers. And we logged into a computer. Looked again at designs because why not, while talking about pretty heated topics on anything at all. I kinda met Mickey, I got to know a few things here and there about him. After that, we actually started building structures for our pasta-and-glue-only bridge.

And we talked and talked and talked. Mainly with Gaby. Some time with Mickey. then it was time. remember about thirteen-hundred ? one in the p.m. ? Yes, it was JP’s presentation. We were kinda late. We tried to wrap up as quickly as possible while maintaining the strucure of our pieces and wrapping them in newspaper so that they could dry out in pure calmness. So we ran, towards the Auditorium 1. One.

So now we’re in the auditorium. But J.P. is not the first person to present. He was actually the last. whatever. the other presentations were fine. They did great. It’s public speaking. Today there were more and more and many more friends. The auditorium was presque-full.

And then it was two o'clock. And I was kinda tired. I was tired. I am tired. then I honestly don’t remember much about anything.

eventually, a friend told me that some people were cutting hair and giving it away to people without hair. I had thought about this altruistic act for a long time. Several months, I’d say. But I’d keep making excuses to not do anything.

So I though, why the fuck not be altruistic ? My hair will grow, some people won’t have the grace or the beautiful act of feeling hair. So I though why not give it away ?

So I did. And now my hair feels very weird. I don’t like the cut. They cut like maybe 25 cm. And that’s it.

I ate something. Good bye. Maybe I will sleep soon.

Tags: today