High on happiness

When do you ever, truly, feel happy ?

I think that's when your willingness to live to survive, increases.
When you wanna feel alive you wanna just keep on living and you're 
so fucking high on adrenaline you just feel like you wanna keep going.

That's what I felt like whilst watching Uncut Gems. A movie with Adam
Sandler. It's about a guy who deals jewelry, all kinds of things.
Fancy, big things. He's jewish.

so he gets this rock. And the guy's a gambler, like a real fucking
gambler. He gambles his money at work. He owes debt to a ton shit
of guys. Even one of his family members. And one of his family even
makes Adam Sandler get beat up cause he stills owes money.

And you know, the plot realy doesn't matter that much. Well, no, it does,
it did to me!

Really, what this film is about. It's about the unexpected. About life 
itself, you never really know what you're gonna get. You don't know if 
all your dreams are gonna come true no matter how hard you work how hard
you put in the hours. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out. At all.
That's what this movie felt like. And all of a sudden, when you feel like
really everything is fucking falling apart, you get this feeling of salvation.

Someone's coming for you. Someone's giving you back your willingness to 
survive, to live, to love, to enjoy. And you take it. And you win.

This movie reminded me of a quote from the show "Rick and Morty", Rick says:

> "To live, is to risk it all.<br>
> Otherwise you're just an inert<br>
> chunk of randomly assembled molecules<br>
> drifting wherever the universe<br>
> blows you."<br>

\- Rick Sanchez (from the show _Rick and Morty_)

And you see, I just saw below this quote another quote, an interesting one,
which really resonates with the overall theme of the movie:

> Money will not make you happy,<br>
and happy will not make you money.

Don't know who said it, but someone did.

And really the movie all is about money, or addiction maybe, or even just
obsession over something. This guy just feels like money will solve 
everything. In reality, it won't at all solve any of his problems
with his family or friends. It will only solve what is immediately bugging
him, and that is that he's in deep debt with some people in the jewelry 
business.

He's in some much debt that they keep coming to his family events, to the 
school of his kids. They strip him naked and get him locked in his car's
trunk. Very fucked up. And don't get me wrong, the guy is kind of an asshole.
He went out lending money and betting it.

But you see, his bet was right. But the guy who lent the money to him heard
that he was betting all he lent and got the broker to call off the bet. 
Just like that. 

And it is of course depressing, that even after 'hard' work effort, sometimes
you get nothing. Nothingness.

This movie gave me the real feels. To be on the verge of losing it all and
suddenly gaining it back and winning at life. I feel like if I'm not risking
anything at all in life, daily things really, then I'm not gaining anything.

You may feel like you're risking your hard work, your sanity when you're
at school and after all you're betting that you'll be super fucking 
intelligent and you'll be happy.

But you see my man, my ego is fucking high.
I get all kinds of people, well I don't get them to do this. But my friends
understand that I'm smart, I'm intelligent.

My college degree, right now I'm not doing shit for it. I'm barely passing,
I'm lazy. Because school right now bores me. I'm barely risking anything.
Well, I'm risking maybe failing one subject this semester but it's not like
my parent's can't fucking pay the subject again. They can but I'm just not
motivated enough.

You see, if I'm not motivated properly I don't do things. I want all that
pressure to come down on me. I want to feel like my body's about to explode 
if I don't do something. And when I do it, I win. All that pressure comes 
off and I get to experience happiness. And everybody's proud of everybody
because in the end it worked.
It doesn't matter if in the past we were all lazy or whatever or if we didn't
work hard enough. None of that matters in that moment.
What matters is the now, what you just did and what is happening right at this
very moment and that is in one word, success.

That's what I felt on this movie.

Thanks for your attention.


;tags: life movies entertainment feelings